How should one read your post? Request for information, invitation to critical analysis, veiled dig? There are so many levels on which to answer. Lacking any means of determining precisely which one it is, and preferring to believe in the good-hearted nature of any individual until shown evidence to the contrary, I will reply good-naturedly.
The three lines in question do follow the proper form of a haiku: 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables. It is about nature. If anything, I think this haiku might be too self-conscious. The use of alliteration draws attention to the language itself and away from the experience of that moment in nature. It is a common flaw in my work; I am giddy for alliteration and kennings. As a result, something of the “Aha!”of the initial experience which the author of a haiku is supposedly trying to recreate in the reader may be lost. There are perhaps other issues to address, but let this suffice for the moment. If you have other questions or observations I would be happy to discuss them. Until then, for an excellent discussion of haiku and its English expression, I highly recommend “Japanese Haiku: Its Essential Nature, History, and Possibilities in English” by Kenneth Yasuda.
Thats a haiku?
Dear “Ecstatic”,
How should one read your post? Request for information, invitation to critical analysis, veiled dig? There are so many levels on which to answer. Lacking any means of determining precisely which one it is, and preferring to believe in the good-hearted nature of any individual until shown evidence to the contrary, I will reply good-naturedly.
The three lines in question do follow the proper form of a haiku: 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables. It is about nature. If anything, I think this haiku might be too self-conscious. The use of alliteration draws attention to the language itself and away from the experience of that moment in nature. It is a common flaw in my work; I am giddy for alliteration and kennings. As a result, something of the “Aha!”of the initial experience which the author of a haiku is supposedly trying to recreate in the reader may be lost. There are perhaps other issues to address, but let this suffice for the moment. If you have other questions or observations I would be happy to discuss them. Until then, for an excellent discussion of haiku and its English expression, I highly recommend “Japanese Haiku: Its Essential Nature, History, and Possibilities in English” by Kenneth Yasuda.
Best regards,
Magdalen
LEAVING A COMMENT
read post, click cursor
in comment box; type comment;
re-read, click submit
(I’m thinking I could
patent this: solves the problem
of nothing to say!)
Good idea! I know
a good patent attorney;
I’ll send you his name.
Cheers!
Magdalen